It's All In Your Head: The Gift of Questions

Monday, January 27, 2014

The Gift of Questions

Glennon Melton's blog, Momastery, shares her joys and struggles with parenthood. One post
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/the-questions-that-will-save-your-relationships_b_4618254.html was about mundane questions like "How was your day?" that are asked and answered by loved ones without giving the question or the answer much thought.

As I read her blog post, I thought about the questions I ask my husband like "How did you bowl?" or "How was your meeting?"...questions asked and answered without either of us paying attention. I suspect most of us fall into this routine. We ask to be polite but really don't care about the response.

Here are some questions Melton has learned (through therapy) to ask her family:

For your spouse:

* "What did I do today to make you feel appreciated?"
* "What did I say that made you feel unnoticed?"

For your child:

* "Were there times when you felt proud of yourself today?"
* "How did you feel when you took your test?"

The key seems to revolve around feelings. Asking about someone's feelings shows that you do care...you do want to know. And when you ask a question, really listen to the answer. It makes the other person feel that you are invested in them...not just making small talk to fill the silence.

Ask the best questions, and your love will shine through. They truly are a gift.