We teach others how to treat us by everything we say and do.
If you don't like how others treat you, you are the one who must change.
Do other people in your life take advantage of you, tease you, or treat you in ways that you find unacceptable? It's been said that fences make good neighbors. Perhaps you need to build your own
fences to safeguard your sanity. These "life fences" are boundaries that let others know how to treat you. They enhance your life. They are the fences you install around your life to protect yourself and make it clear to others that you own your life.
Another way to think of boundaries is that they represent your personal rules. Think of your life as a playground and your boundaries as the rules that other people must obey if they want to play there.
NIRIL is an easy technique for setting boundaries—Notice, Inform, Request, Insist and Leave.
Notice when someone is taking advantage of you or treating you in a way that’s
unacceptable to you.
Inform them by saying something like “Do you realize how hurtful I find your
Request different treatment by asking for positive feedback instead of criticism.
Insist on different treatment from them. If that doesn’t work, then...
Leave the room.
By not engaging in verbal battles with others, you will find that you’re much calmer, and others will start to understand you and respect your new boundaries.
~~Weekly Challenge ~~
When you’re setting boundaries with someone, don’t raise your voice – you need to stay calm and unemotional, which isn’t always easy. Try deep breathing to calm your nerves and center yourself.
Setting boundaries is a technique that needs to be practiced, and it may not be comfortable for you to use at first. But keep trying.
Having boundaries for your life is essential to having healthy relationships. Here are some thoughts to consider:
*What person(s) in my life treats me in ways I find unacceptable?
*What behavior(s) would I like this person(s) to change?
*What boundaries can I set with this person(s)? Use the NIRIL Technique (Notice, Inform,
Request, Insist, Leave) to set boundaries with this person(s). Note the results.
Examine the relationship. Is this person(s) essential in your life, or are they toxic, bringing chaos and disharmony that doesn’t serve you? If the relationship is non-essential to you and toxic to your well-being, you might be better off severing ties with them. But it is up to you to do the work and make this choice.
This post is excerpted from my CD "10 Keys to Emotional Freedom"